Well, so. In general my life and my relationship has been in a bit of a mess lately, and feels like the imagined flight of a bird that's had a stroke. Or a child's doodle. Or someone writing with a glo-stick on long exposure film.

Mostly my relationship has gone all pear-shaped, and while we're working very hard to try and fix it, one wonders if it is too little, too late. If too much has been lost. If one can live with what has surfaced, despite our history and the cliched conviction that love will overcome all.

I wonder if it will be enough. I want to believe that it will be enough, but reality intrudes, sometimes. And sometimes I sit and anguish, filled with wracking doubt.

I miss the certainty.

I am not myself.

In continuation of that, I went and pierced my ears today (they used two green cannulas, and it did briefly cross my mind that I could have easily done this myself).